I can't take it. I broke down tonight. It is so hard for me to let loose, but it comes when I'm not expecting it. I'm sitting here watching stupid tv shows we always watched. Someone loses someone and I just don't feel, but suddenly, the thought hits me that she should be sitting next to me watching with me, and it's all over. I'm crying and crying. What am I going to do with out my darling? A large part of me is so fucking lost. As I'm curled up in a ball crying on the couch, the kitty comes up to see what is going on. Great little furball. Yeah, I can get a handle on the finances, and I'll be alright and all, but She has owned so much of my soul for the last 30 years that there is no replacement for that. That kind of love has no chance of ever finding me again. I was so lucky to have had her, and I know it was the same for her, but though I rejoice that she is with her son now, I am so broken for her absence.